Sex and Candy?

"I smell sex and candy here
Who's that lounging in my chair
Who's that casting
devious stares in my direction
Mama this surely is a dream"
-Marcy Playground

It took all but one full day to rearrange the BS on my profile. Sweet to a fault it was but now my tweaks have snowballed and I sound like an obnoxious bitch (alot like my tru life counterpart). After 3 separate discussions with immensely useless perverts posing as true to form Sugar Daddy's that my bank account yearns for, I'm struggling. Where is the balance between "humble pie" and "raging bitch." Does this place really truly exist in Sugarland? Or is it all a rouse.

Ecounter #1: After an intensely boring day playing assistant to a pompous asshole I decided to entertain myself and respond to a sexually charged e-mail from a would-be SD. Let's call him Boca (his stated location on his profile) His e-mail wreaked of desperation but he assured me that the only reason he discussed his sexual preferences so eagerly was to ensure that we were compatible in the bedroom. (uh-huh) So, I played the naive girl next door bit to see how far he would go before admitting he just wanted to get laid. Homeboy had a plan laid out for the next 6 months as far as expenses go. I wondered (verbally, in email of course) how would that work if he seemed to just want a one time deal? After a bit of banter back and forth (him wrapped up in his sexual perversion, and me slyly calling him out) he asked if I would like to meet for lunch. Then, the infamous "Great, well if things go well maybe we can get a room." "Negative, I don't know you and I'm not that kind of girl. Did you think, a chicken salad and a glass of water would get you some, really?" Boca went on to apologize and tried to cover his ass but it was useless, i was already bored.

Encounter #2: Sagbag (skinny older man with saggy skin) emailed me and asked for a pic-exchange email session. Now, I hate this. I put up as many pictures as possible to avoid these pointless e-mails. I told him this and he asks for more. WHY???? Are you vision impaired sir? Did you want me to resend the 12 pictures (excessive I am aware) of myself to your e-mail? Needless to say, that became a number of exchanges back and forth ending in the sex discussion. I wasn't willing to play anymore, Boca got the best of me.

Encounter #3: This one was short. First e-mail "Hey, send me more pics to ________" That was it! No "Hey how are you?" Not even the attempt to BS me. I sent pics (alot). His response: "Send me something sexy, doesn't have to be nude but a bikini or lingerie or something." My response: "Go to hell, old man. You have enough pictures to jerk off to for the evening. enjoy"

Ok, so maybe it was a little harsh but what the fuck?! Then the tirade profile change ensued and it was messy. I realized afterwards that I sound a little (very) harsh. So now I must redo them.

But, I still have hope for a good man. Don't get me wrong, if a good guy comes along he gets mushy, affectionate CherryCakes. For example, Teeth (my new fav) sent me an e-mail and signed off with "Mi querida linda." So sweet, I could melt. I wish I could meet him sooner rather then later but he's in Vancouver this week so I'm screwed till next week. Meaning Christian Louboutin lace booties will have to wait at least another week :(

Enjoy the sugarfest.

Photoshoots, for the rest of us.

How vain is the sugar world? Seeing as how few women admit to their sugary-sweet fixation it's hard to gauge the Pretty Scale. Is this a world of catwalk knockouts? Is there space for the pretty girls not gracing any rag mag covers? What's the model-to-average-Jane-ratio? Should I even be concerned?

The longer I wait around for a response for some sugar daddy to catch my bait I catch myself pondering about the competition. Take me out any day and the eyes will follow. But in sugar world where I'm cut and sliced and prejudged by a few photos, what's my real chances of getting attention? They can't capture my je ne sais quoi in a 2x4!

Sexiness, charm, wit, and all that extra fluff that makes you love like a person are not hand delivered of some "About me" section. And toe-to-toe with some twit model, I'll bag the personality portion. Bible. So, the question remains what's in a picture? And how many times do I have to go through Myspace-esque photoshoots of myself in my bathroom/room/living room to get some attention?!

On, a brighter note, I've been receiving more and more e-mails from website #3. Must be the new meat stench. On a cloudier note, most of them can't type correctly, and initial emails always bore me. Waiting for Teeth to get back to me on the day we are to meet up. Hopefully it doesn't turn into another Winslow fiasco (a tale for another day).

Till then, enjoy the sugarfest.